L4
We're gonna fly to screw each morning we're gonna smile the entire time we're gonna be more happy we're gonna finally be fine we're gonna get more calm and normal we're gonna fix our state of mind we're gonna be less crazy we're gonna finally be fine we're gonna stand holding hands in a brand new land far away from the borderline we're gonna seem like a mainstream dream and be appealing to all mankind we're gonna have more fun and be less weird than the first two years combined and we're gonna live forever and we're gonna sleep together and we're gonna finally be sunny and shinily we're gonna finally be fine Jeff.
L6
Uh, what was the question? What are we gonna do without Pierce in the study group this year? I'm sure we'll figure it out.
L7
Speaking of figuring things out, me and Abed have an announcement.
L8
Troy and I are living together.
Claude, Brandon's methodconfirmed: confirmed, a standing set
troy and abed move in together, announced in the first ninety seconds. the apartment becomes a location the show runs on for three more seasons
Checked against the scripts. L8 "Troy and I are living together", with the linens 'n things gag at L10. The apartment then hosts plot: S03E14 L224 "whoever wins this war can stay in the apartment", S03E17 L383, S03E22 L8 "He hasn't left the apartment since Troy moved out", S05E07 L92, S06E02 L32 "Britta's fallen on hard times and our apartment is the cheapest game in town", S06E05 L20 and L134.
L9
- Oh, that's-- - Oh, that's nice.
L10
If you want to get us a gift, we're registered at linens 'n things.
L11
We have plenty of linens.
L12
We mainly want the things.
L13
How you like me now, bitches? Dean, you seem different.
L14
Are you in a play right now? Over the summer, I decided it's time to whip this place into shape.
L15
I'm gonna be a mean, lean, deaning machine.
L16
No more paintball, no more spaceships, no more trampolines, and no more-- What is that? It's probably the monkey that lives in the vents.
L17
I named him "Annie's boobs," after Annie's boobs.
Claude, Brandon's methodconfirmed: both directions
annie's boobs the monkey. points BACK to season one where troy christens it and lets it loose, and forward to the episode that puts it in a title
Checked against the scripts. Backward: S01E21 L202 "Isn't that right, Annie's Boobs? Please rename that thing", L348 "He released Annie's Boobs", L351 "The monkey's name is Annie's Boobs." Forward: S03E14 L305 makes it an episode title, "The Annie's Boobs Story or That's Enter-Chang-Ment." The monkey went into the vents in season one and this line is the show confirming it stayed there.
L18
See, this is the kind of national lampoonery that is coming to an end this year.
L19
Homie don't dean this.
L20
Okay, guys, let's get to biology on time.
L21
I don't want to be a screwup this year.
L24
We're really doing this without Pierce? So sad.
L25
Yeah, we have parted ways with our closest, oldest, craziest, most racist, oldest, elderly, crazy friend, and he's not coming back.
L27
How was your summer? Enlightful, Annie.
L28
I underwent three months of intensive soul-rezoning at the laser lotus celebrity center.
L29
I stand before you a more highly evolved Pierce Hawthorne, one that can accept that this table has a-- has a sort of magic in it.
L31
And I'd like to come back.
L33
- Damn it! Oh, uh, sorry.
L34
I just had the frustrating realization that you can't come back to the group, because you're not in biology and it's all filled up.
L35
Well, couldn't we take something else? I mean, surely we've evolved beyond caring what class we take together.
L37
- Pierce! I'll do you one better.
L38
I think we've evolved beyond reliance on a group at all.
L39
Aren't we just actual friends now, no matter where we are? You know what's magic about this table? It magically keeps our books from falling on the floor.
L40
The table's for studying, but as friends, we've evolved.
L41
And let's use that first breath of crisp, new, super evolved air to declare proudly and in one voice, "Pierce We'll see you when we see you.
L42
" Don't tell the monkey I'm living here.
L43
Give me some rope, tie me to a tree give me the hope to run out of steam somebody said we could be here we could be roped up, tied up, dead in a year I can't count the reasons I should stay one by one they all just fade away Oh, star-burns, I see you added a lizard to your special hat and sideburns.
L44
Am I missing anything? Yeah! The human being underneath it all, but no one's really interested in that, are they? No.
L45
I hope we did the right thing about Pierce.
L46
He really seems like he's changed.
L47
What are you, nuts? That's what he wants you to think.
L48
Trust me, we're better off without him.
L49
Excluding Pierce is what drove him crazy last year.
L50
Wrong, being crazy drove him excluded.
L51
What's wrong? Cougar town has been moved to mid-season.
L52
That's never a good sign.
L53
Not cool, not cool, not cool, not cool, not cool-- Hey buddy, hey, it's coming back in January.
L54
Six seasons and a movie.
Claude, Brandon's methodconfirmed: backward and forward, origin corrected
six seasons and a movie. NOT born here, abed says it first in the paradigms clip show. this is the second time, and the series finale is the third
Checked against the scripts. I assumed this was the origin and the corpus says otherwise. S02E21 L140 is first: "Show's gonna last three weeks! Six seasons and a movie!" Here at L54-55 Troy and Abed say it to each other about Cougar Town. It closes the series at S06E13 L294, "That's six seasons and a movie", with L175 "I mean we've got through six seasons." Three uses in 110 episodes, and the show ends on the third.
L55
Six seasons and a movie.
L57
This is Intro to Biology.
L58
I'm your professor, Dr.
L60
It took me 6,205 hours to get my degree, and I know, because I was only allowed in the library one hour per day at the San Vicente correctional facility while serving a sentence of 25 to life.
Claude, Brandon's methodconfirmed: confirmed, a one-season character
professor kane's prison backstory, told in his first minute. he only lasts one season and the thing that removes him is also planted in this episode
Checked against the scripts. L60 "It took me 6,205 hours to get my degree, and I know, because I was only allowed in the library one hour per day at the San Vicente correctional facility while serving a sentence of 25 to life." He recurs across season three, S03E03 L50, S03E16 L18, S03E17 L30, L149 and L333, then leaves at S03E18 L114 because of Star-Burns' meth lab, which is pitched to him at L252 of this episode.
L61
Now let's talk about that word.
L68
I stared at a crack in the ground in my cell for years, and one day, something grew from it.
L69
A single blade of grass.
L70
Vibrates louder than the ringer.
L72
You know what? Turning it off.
L73
Living thing, growing from dead stone.
L74
Get out! - Oh, it's off, it's off.
L75
- Out! I turned it off.
L79
And don't bother coming back.
L80
Seriously? Hey, dude, Sean Penn called.
L81
He says to dial it back.
L82
Sean Penn is an actor who-- I know who Sean Penn is.
L86
I will not tolerate monkeys living on campus.
L87
If I wanted to run a monkey hotel, I'd install a banana buffet.
L88
I'd use vines as elevators, and I'd put tail holes in the bathrobes, and I'd lower all the shower knobs.
L89
Wow, you've really thought this through.
L90
And now it's your turn.
L93
Spray your solutions all over me.
L94
Well, w-we could seal all the vents and then pump the ducts with some kind of gas that knocks out monkeys.
L95
Monkey knockout gas! Now that's the kind of grounded, sensible thinking I want to see this year.
L96
Catherine, who's next? Vice Dean Laybourne, from the air conditioning repair school annex.
Claude, Brandon's methodconfirmed: confirmed, the season 3 arc
vice dean laybourne and the air conditioning repair annex, first appearance. this becomes the biggest plot of season three and it kills him
Checked against the scripts. Introduced here as a budget squabble over an espresso machine. S03E06 is the recruitment, L165 "air conditioning repair is an elite worldwide family dating back to the very beginnings of civilizations" and L187 "You will be an air conditioning repairman and nothing else Until the day you die." S03E13 L397 "an unencumbered Troy will turn to his destiny The air conditioning repair school." S03E21 L51. Then S03E22 L96, "Vice Dean Laybourne was repairing a flow duct rupture, and he inhaled a lethal dose of freon", and L137 has Troy taking the job.
L99
New suit, Dean? New Dean, vice Dean.
L101
I see that you used school funds to buy an espresso machine for your faculty break room.
L102
I don't recall being consulted on that.
L103
I don't consult you on anything.
L105
The air-conditioning repair school annex seems to think.
L106
That it's separate from Greendale, but it's an annex.
L107
An appendage, on a body, with a head, and this head is saying to this appendage, "whazup?" What you say makes sense, Dean.
L109
You bring your head down to my appendage tomorrow, and I'll show you "whazup.
L111
I think I found something that will help Abed! Abed, did you know that Cougar Town is an American adaptation of a 1990s British sitcom? Cougarton abbey.
Claude, Brandon's methodreading: in-episode pairing, no later payoff
cougarton abbey runs six episodes then the whole cast drinks hemlock. that is sitting fifty lines from 'six seasons and a movie' on purpose
Checked against the scripts. Both beats are in this episode and they argue with each other. L145-147 "Why did everyone on Cougarton Abbey just die? They only ran six episodes. That's the great thing about British tv. They give you closure." Fifty-seven lines earlier, L54, Troy and Abed comfort each other with "six seasons and a movie." No later episode calls back to Cougarton Abbey, so this is a reading of the placement rather than a tracked seed.
L112
Just been 'round Cougarton chapel.
L113
I may be having an awakening.
L115
You've only been having a butchers at the choir boys.
L118
Can you believe that guy, kicking me out of class like that? It's gonna be impossible to find a science class with six open spots.
L119
Why would we need to do that? Because I'm not in biology anymore.
L120
And neither is Pierce, but you're both still our friends.
L122
Right, Jeff? Yes, we have.
L123
- And we all love each other.
L125
And we all go to the same school, so, uh I guess I'll see ya when I see ya.
L127
I was on the wait list for biology, somebody got kicked out, I am-- Here to study! Yay! All hail, sir eats alone.
L129
I heard about your prescription socks.
L130
Hope you don't mind, Jeff, but I've got a new favorite show, and I'm only on episode six.
L131
You guys got about five minutes left to eat.
L132
Oh, my, time flies when you're studying the science of life.
L133
Well, I think time flies when you're joking around about movie titles that sound like names for poops.
L136
Were you eavesdropping on our study session? I was eavesdropping on your goof-off session, and you dummies missed the most obvious one.
L137
No, I said, "Green Mile.
L138
" Operation dumbo drop! - Ew! - Gross! Too clever by half, Jeffrey.
L139
All right, well uh, I gotta go.
L140
Thanks for the five minutes.
L143
The barrister's foreclosed the abbey.
L144
Fancy a drink, then? Oi, fetch us a hemlock.
L145
Um - Um-- - Britta? Why did everyone on Cougarton Abbey just die? They only ran six episodes.
L146
That's the great thing about British tv.
L147
They give you closure.
L148
No, no, no! We'll find you a new favorite show! We'll find you a new favorite show! Come on, buddy.
L149
You are human tennis elbow.
L150
You are a pizza burn on the roof of the world's mouth.
L151
You are the opposite of Batman.
L152
You don't need them, man.
L154
I'll see 'em when I see 'em.
L156
You and I, we should hang out some time, huh? Grab a drink? Sure.
L157
Where are you living now? The air vents.
Claude, Brandon's methodconfirmed: both directions
chang says he lives in the air vents. backward to the vent gag in paradigms, forward to the episode where the dean has to admit it out loud
Checked against the scripts. Backward: S02E21 L14 "I know these vents like the back of my Chang" and L206 "How many vents are you gonna crawl out of this year?" Here it stops being a gag and becomes his housing, L157-158 "Where are you living now? The air vents", and L226 "I'm the one living in your vents." Forward: S03E18 L236, "He was living in the school's air vent system with a monkey!" That monkey is the one at L17, so the two vent runners merge.
L158
I live in the air vents of the school.
L159
Shhhh! I'm free, Jeff.
L160
Free! I gotta get back in that class.
L161
Real Dean coming through-- Oh, my goodness spacious, vice dean Is this where Greendale's money is going? More accurately, Dean, it's where Greendale's money comes from.
L162
Our air-conditioning program has a job placement rate five times higher than the rest of your school combined.
L163
Our alumnini donations comprise 80% of your entire school's budget.
L164
And you want to know why we think we deserve an espresso machine?! Well, I guess I didn't know.
L165
I-- And you never had to, Dean.
L166
You could have lived the rest of your life in blissful ignorance and died a happy, pansexual imp.
L167
But you wanted to feel power this year.
L168
Well, now, you're going to feel my power as it surges downward from me, straight through you, from nostril to rectum, now until the end of time.
L170
" I forgot everything you said before "rectum"! Who are these guys? This is my legal team because I think it's time we worked out a new agreement.
L171
He doesn't look like a lawyer.
L173
Because I'm also sick of that ridiculous goatee.
L174
You look like a white Lou Gossett, Jr.
L175
You deserve a bigger office.
L176
Biggest office I ever had.
L177
I'm here to apologize, Dr.
L178
King, and beg you for a seat in biology.
L179
I tell you what, 'N Sync, you wanna learn about life? Give up the phone.
L181
You're asking me for a bribe? I can't be bought, man.
L182
You feel me? See, prison was my walls.
L183
But you put your walls up.
L184
You, and your phone, and your attitude, and your fruit loops cologne.
L185
Your walls put up so tight, man, not even a blade of grass could get through.
L186
But even if it did, you wouldn't appreciate it.
L187
That's why you can't come back to my class.
L188
What's your problem with me, man? And don't act like it's not about me specifically because you've been in-- Busted! Hey! Take it easy, Winger.
L189
Everything okay? It is now that I have this.
L190
This is my ticket to getting back in the group.
L191
Hey! Hey! I want to be in the group so bad! All right, let's smoke 'em and choke 'em.
L192
No! No! N-n-n-- Uh-oh! What is that? Monkey gas! Monkey gas? Oh, my g-- Abed? All your friends are here.
L193
They wanna talk to you.
L195
How is this different from the way he always is? I don't want to push it, but this would be a great time to baptize him.
L196
Abed, maybe this can be your new favorite show.
L197
It's a British Sci-Fi series that's been on the air since 1962.
L198
Britta, you've done enough, okay? Why don't you go start a ruiners' club? Oh wait, you'd probably just ruin it.
L199
Well then, I'd be doing a good job because it's a ruiners' club.
L200
You ruined my analogy.
L201
Guys, look! Blimey, inspector! Where have we wound up this time? The question isn't where, constable, but when.
Claude, Brandon's methodconfirmed: confirmed, first appearance
inspector spacetime and the blorgons, born right here as a joke to fix abed. gets its own convention episode in season four
Checked against the scripts. This is the first occurrence anywhere in the corpus, and it arrives fully formed. L201-202 "Blimey, inspector! Where have we wound up this time? The question isn't where, constable, but when", then "Blorgons! Eradicate!" Forward it carries a whole episode: S04E03 has fourteen mentions including L10 "the Inspector Spacetime convention", L85 "Inspector Spacetime's super villain Thoraxis", L295 "Inspector Spacetime is both his own grandfather and grandmother." Also S04E08 L6, S04E03 L4 "Take that, Blorgon." Invented in this episode to replace a cancelled show, and it outlived the replacement.
L202
Inspector, look out! Blorgons! Eradicate! Eradicate! This is the best show I've ever seen in my entire life.
L203
Having fun without me again? Jeff, what happened? You look 70.
L204
Abed has a new favorite tv show, Jeff.
L205
It's called Inspector Spacetime-- Can it, boobs.
L206
I came here to let you know that your best friend Pierce is the one that got me kicked out of bio class and the study group.
L207
It was a plan he hatched from the beginning with his pal, Professor Kane.
L208
But, Jeff, that's a photo I gave our professor of me visiting Hawthorne Wipes' spokesman and rap artist Sugar Cube in prison during the '90s.
Claude, Brandon's methodconfirmed: backward to the Pilot
hawthorne wipes' spokesman sugar cube. straight back to the pilot, where pierce introduces himself by the moist towelette company
Checked against the scripts. This connects the two sheets. On the Pilot annotation sheet L154 Pierce introduces himself, "that is Hawthorne as in Hawthorne Wipes the award-winning moist towelette." Here that company has a rap-artist spokesman in prison, which is also the joke that traps Jeff. The empire keeps returning: S03E11 L136 "Shirley, Hawthorne wipes fired me", S03E20 L78 his father, S04E08 L262, S05E04 L329 the will.
L209
Well, th-th-they look alike.
L210
Uh, I guess they share one important feature in your eyes.
L211
Well, that's not fair! Look, I-I-I-I was standing far away, and I saw the prison uniform! Oh, Jeffrey! Oh, come on, obviously I don't mean all black people are in prison! Oh! Jeff, clearly you have gone off the deep end.
L213
The table is powerful, and being cut off from it-- Shut the-- I've become Agitated.
L215
We'll continue this discourse at a later date.
L217
He just needs some space.
L218
I'm going to kill the one thing you love! I'm gonna kill it! As long as it breathes, it controls our lives! I just came by to tell everyone this year isn't gonna be that different.
L219
With the notable exception, we really won't have any money.
L221
What is with that guy? Did you find the monkey? No, but here's the invoice for the gassing.
L222
Okay, as it turns out, I cannot pay this Or your salaries starting on Two weeks ago.
L223
But, what I do have are these vouchers for the classes of your choosing.
L224
You're lucky I need my scuba certification.
L226
I'm the one living in your vents.
L227
I have no home and no job.
L228
Does that mean you'll work for room and board? Okay, I was lying the whole time.
L229
I didn't want the group to evolve.
L230
I just didn't want Pierce around.
L232
Okay, but Jeff, what you did-- it's hard to get past that.
L233
I know you're already out of the study group, but I'm gonna have to ask that you stop being my friend.
L234
Okay, look, everybody, here's the thing, I am not as evolved as I said I was.
L235
The biology class was full, so I told Professor Kane I'd pay him a few thousand dollars to K-kick Jeff out.
Claude, Brandon's methodconfirmed: mechanic repeat of the Pilot
pierce bribes a professor to get jeff out so he can get back in. same shape as jeff faking the study group in the pilot, someone buys their way into the table
Checked against the scripts. L235 "The biology class was full, so I told Professor Kane I'd pay him a few thousand dollars to kick Jeff out." The Pilot runs the same move with a lie instead of money, sheet L52 "Shouldn't be too hard to fake a study group" and the confession at L270. Both times the group forms around a fraud committed to get a seat at the table, and both times it survives the reveal.
L236
What?! Pierce! What? I can't believe Jeff attacked a table with a fire axe and still only managed to be the second craziest man in the room.
L237
Okay, everybody in favor of voting Pierce out of the group? Stop! Stop! Pierce isn't crazy.
L238
The table IsMagic.
Claude, Brandon's methodconfirmed: confirmed runner
the table is magic, said seriously right after jeff took a fire axe to it. the table is a character from here on
Checked against the scripts. L29 sets it up, "this table has a sort of magic in it", L213 "The table is powerful, and being cut off from it", L236 "Jeff attacked a table with a fire axe", L253 "now the table is good as new." It keeps mattering: S03E09 L173 "Get away from our table", S03E10 L123 "Where's our table?", S04E04 L132 "What are you doing at our table?", S05E01 L316 "I'd like to take the study room table in back and burn it", S05E02 L40 "the new table turned out great, Abed."
L239
As someone who's been on the other side, I can tell you, it is a scary, lonely, Chang-filled world out there, and sure, this group has sprouted some legs, but why are we in such a rush to leave the tide pool, when the only things waiting for us on shore are the sands of time.
L240
And the hungry seagulls of slowly growing apart.
L241
Man, I really need this biology class.
L242
Pierce! Professor Kane has never taken a bribe from anyone in his life.
L243
You feel me? Yeah, I lied, but you seem to have a harder time being the bad guy than me.
L245
I do Which, in a weird way, makes me a pretty bad guy.
L246
We're one and the same.
L248
Jeff, but you're still kicked out of biology.
L249
Oh, I'm not worried about it.
L250
Life has a way of breaking through.
L251
So, uh, here's what I'm thinking.
L252
I'm a drug dealer, right? And you're a scientist, so couldn't we get, like, a Breaking Bad type of thing going? Sorry, star-face, you just lost your seat in my class.
Claude, Brandon's methodconfirmed: confirmed, the best plant in the episode
star-burns pitches a breaking bad thing to the biology teacher. seventeen episodes later he dies in a meth lab explosion. this is the whole death, planted as a throwaway
Checked against the scripts. L252 "I'm a drug dealer, right? And you're a scientist, so couldn't we get, like, a Breaking Bad type of thing going?" and Kane throws him out of the class for it. S03E18 L20 collects: "Star-Burns died how he lived in a meth lab explosion." The same episode retires the other half of this scene, S03E18 L114, "due to the whole Star-Burns meth lab explosion, Professor Kane has resigned, and your biology class has been cancelled." Both characters in this one exchange leave the show in one line.
L253
There, now the table is good as new.
L255
Britta, I'm sorry I was overprotective about it.
L256
I'll try and be more supportive of you.
L257
Well, here's your first chance.
L258
Helping Abed has inspired me to finally declare a major.
Claude, Brandon's methodconfirmed: confirmed, runs to S06E13
britta declares psychology and says she is going to be a therapist. first of many times the show uses that against her, right up to the finale
Checked against the scripts. L258-261 "Helping Abed has inspired me to finally declare a major. I'm gonna study Psychology. Like in a research capacity? No, in a hands-on capacity. I'm gonna be a therapist." The joke is that she is bad at it: S04E02 L249 "The worst therapist? No, because you're not a therapist." It stays her identity, S03E17 L101 "As a psych major", S03E19 L62 and L171, S05E08 L230 "I'm a Psych major", S05E01 L173 a bartender is "basically like a modern-day therapist", and the last word on it is the finale, S06E13 L422.
L259
I'm gonna study Psychology.
L260
Like in a research capacity? No, in a hands-on capacity.
L261
I'm gonna be a therapist.
L263
Hey, hey, hey, keep it down.
L264
There's a new sheriff in town.
L266
So this is the year we all die.