COLD OPEN
INT. STUDY ROOM - MORNING (DAY 1)
L1Pierce
...So then the guy says to the housekeeper, “make sure she’s dead.” Stop me if you’ve heard this one.
L2Jeff
It would’ve been nice to have that option twenty-seven minutes ago.
L3Pierce
Anyway the housekeeper says, “we don’t have a pool.” [chuckles] And the guy says...
Brandonreading: outside reference
This is the arsistocrats joke
Checked against the scripts. Not a script callback, so nothing to grep. The read holds up on shape: Pierce tells a filthy shaggy-dog joke he keeps restarting and never finishes, which is the Aristocrats structure. Logged as an outside shout-out rather than an internal seed.
L4Dean Pelton(O.S.)
Good morning, Greendale! A few quick announcements. The world class Greendale debate team...
L5Annie
We are kind of kicking butt these days.
L6Dean Pelton(O.S.)
Will bring home the championship tomorrow versus City College. On that there is no debate.
L7Pierce
So the housekeeper says to the guy, “we don’t have a pool,” [chuckles again] and the guy says...
L8Dean Pelton(O.S.)
To be clear, “there is no debate” is just a figure of speech. There is actually a debate at eight P.M.. Go Human Beings!
L9Pierce
Now I’ve got to start the whole joke over. So there’s this guy on a business trip...
L10Britta
No! I got one. A doddering old fool walks into a bar, tells a stupid joke, and I crush his windpipe with my three ringed binder.
L11Shirley(courtesy laugh, then)
I don’t get it.
L12Jeff
Britta’s trying to give up cigarettes.
L13Britta
Don’t tell them my business. I’ll smack that smug look right off your pointy face.
Brandonconfirmed: confirmed twice, L28 and the S01E16 drunk dial
this is called back to in the britta hangover bit later episodes
Checked against the scripts. Brandon resolved this in two parts on 2026-07-30. In-episode, the payoff is the other pointy face at L28, where Britta collects fifteen lines later in baby talk, "Ohhh. Did I hurt your feelings pointy face?", marked (baby talk) in the draft. The later bit is the drunk dial, S01E16 Communication Studies, which repeats this line's exact mechanic: Jeff broadcasts Britta's private business to the group and she has to claw her standing back. Here she threatens him to stop it. There it happens: L71-73 "Having spent the year denying her attraction to me just to be alternative, Britta called me at 3 a.m. just to ask, What's up? A drunk dial? Was it BCI?" and L288 "Two nights ago, Britta drunk-dialed me, and it embarrassed her and made her sad, and the only way for her to get her power back was for me to get believably drunk and leave her an equally embarrassing message." My earlier pass searched hangover, hung over and hungover, which miss a bit the show calls a drunk dial, the same narrow-vocabulary error as L17.
L14Jeff
Okay, Britta, I’m saying this because I’m your friend and because I care about you. You need to start smoking again.
Brandonconfirmed: confirmed runner
first of many interventions / reverse interventions
Checked against the scripts. The intervention bit does recur as a bit. S02E15 L48, "Intervention? Intervention? Count me out." S03E12 L43-45 runs the word three times as a gag, "Intervention. Intervention. Intervention." This episode's version is the reverse shape, the group intervening to make Britta resume a vice.
L15Annie / Pierce / Shirley
He’s right. / You should. / It’s really not that bad for you.
L16Britta
I appreciate your support, but I’ve got to quit this time.
L17Pierce
Have you tried hypnotherapy? I know a dynamite hypnotherapist.
Brandonconfirmed: confirmed, both halves, corrected 2026-07-29
later in the digit episode where pierce uses britta to take down subway with dirty sex acts, he will say he programmed her mind. also he will tell jeff and his lawyer friend he used to lead seminars in mind manipulator.
Checked against the scripts. Both halves check out. The Subway half is S03E13, the digit one, where Pierce runs Britta as an asset against Subway and says it outright: L222 "You never lived anywhere." L223 "You're a weapon designed for sex." L224 "You only think you lived in New York 'cause I implanted your memories." Britta's "Oh, Pierce, stop it!" at L225 fixes the speaker, and the operation is his plan at L24 and L85. The seminars half is S02E02 L89, Pierce: "I gave seminars on manipulation." Hypnosis also returns at S02E11 L52. Correction: an earlier pass on this card searched for program, mind, hypno and conditioned, which all miss a line whose verb is implanted, and wrongly reported the quote as absent. Brandon supplied the quote and the script confirms it.
L18Jeff
Ten-to-one says it’s him.
L19Pierce
His name is Pierce Hawthorne. I’m very effective. Annie, I could make you less frigid. I could make Abed less inclined towards terrorism. Jeff I could make you less... [air quotes] Metro.
L20Jeff
Can you help me block out people’s voices I find extremely annoying?
L21Pierce(re: britta)
Jeff, she’s right here.
Brandonpartly confirmed: weak as a marked runner
reoccuring joke 'he's right here'
Checked against the scripts. "right here" hits 22 times across 20 episodes, and nearly all are literal usage. Only S06E08 L402 clearly repeats this joke's shape, where someone present is discussed in the third person: "Well, he's right here, so Hey, Steven." So it recurs as a conversational beat rather than a catchphrase the show marks.
L22Britta
Pierce, I would be grateful for your help.
L23Pierce
Really? Super. We’ll set it up.
L24Britta
What? I’m going to quit smoking anyway. This way at least Pierce can feel good about himself.
L25Jeff
And he would deserve that... why?
L26Britta
I feel sorry for him. He wants to feel important so badly. Plus I just yelled at him.
L27Jeff
You yelled at me too.
L28Britta(baby talk)
Ohhh. Did I hurt your feelings pointy face?
Brandonpartly confirmed: the payoff of L13, and the last one
first of many pointy face jokes
Checked against the scripts. This is the second pointy face joke and the last one in the series. It answers L13, where Britta threatens to smack the smug look off Jeff's pointy face, and here she collects in baby talk. Counting is the only correction: pointy appears four times across all 110 scripts and only these two are the insult, so the bit is a two-beat pair inside S01E09 rather than the first of many.
L29Troy
Dude, have you checked out the film department web-site?
Brandonpartly confirmed: right material, earlier seed
Established abed's connection to the a/v club
Checked against the scripts. The film material is real, and it starts one episode earlier than this: S01E03 is Introduction to Film and carries six references to Abed's film class (L59, L123, L133, L256, L269). What S01E09 adds is the film department's website and the fact that his films are about the group (aired L36). The payoff runs to S04E12 L310, "Then you're not going to film school." The show never says A/V club; the only audio-visual mentions in the corpus are the Dean's presentation in S02E17 L288 and L304.
L30Jeff(sarcastic)
What do you think?
L31Troy
All of Abed’s films are about us. Check it out.
L32Britta
Those people look just like us. It’s eerie.
L33Shirley
Ooh. My character’s got it going on. I’ve got to wear purple more.
L34Britta
We had almost that exact conversation last week.
L35Troy(noticing)
But Abed posted this video two weeks ago.
L36Shirley
That boy is a soothsayer.
L37Pierce
Shirley, relax. Simple folk like yourself shouldn’t try to grasp the extraordinary things men are capable of. Whether it be Abed’s psychic powers, or my ability to make people cluck like a chicken.
L38Troy(re: film)
This is wrinkling my brain.
L39Other Troy
This is wrinkling my brain.
L40Troy(re: abed’s film)
That’s wrinkling my brain.
L41Pierce
Who’s the old guy? He looks like he died and no one’s gotten around to telling him.
L42Other Pierce(O.S.)
Hi. I’m Pierce Hawthorne.
END OF COLD OPEN
ACT ONE
INT. HALLWAY/MUSIC ROOM - LATER (DAY 1)
L44Pierce
I reserved the music room for our session.
Brandonconfirmed: confirmed, and your ordinal is right
first talk of reserving rooms comes back with 2nd german invation
Checked against the scripts. Strongest one in the set. S04E04, Alternative History of the German Invasion, is a room-possession fight end to end: L83 "Uh, guys, this is our study room", L134-135 "That table is ours. This room is ours.", L142 "These Dussel-dorks won't leave our study room", L149 "Looks like the room is theirs." And L25 confirms it is the second German appearance: "Those annoying Germans are back? I thought they transferred after they lost their foosball scholarship", pointing back at S03E09 foosball. This episode also has the gym version of the same beat at aired L191, "We reserved the gym for practice so Yup, they reserved it."
L45Britta
Wow. You’re amazing.
L46Chang
Thanks for the validation. Now my life is complete.
L47Britta
I really appreciate you helping me out, Pierce.
L48Pierce
And I appreciate the opportunity. Sometimes I feel like people don’t take me seriously.
L49Britta(playful)
So what are you going to do? Wave a pocket watch in front of my face and tell me I’m getting [ala old time hypnotist] veeeery sleeeeepy.
L50Pierce
Just checking the time.
L51Pierce
Now close your eyes.
L52Pierce
Hypnosis is about three things... [writes on board] Relaxation... Affirmative thoughts... And Positive-Energy.
L53Pierce(erasing it)
Whoa. Never noticed that before.
L54Britta(eyes closed)
Pierce, I can’t thank you enough. I really need your help. You have so much to offer.
L55Pierce(happily surprised)
Thank you. [soothing therapy voice] Now listen to the sound of my voice as I put you under. The only word that will bring you out of your trance is... “gorilla.” Now, focus on the rhythm of your breathing...
INT. HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER
L56Dean Pelton
Mr. Winger, did you happen to hear my announcement this morning?
L57Jeff
Absolutely. I hang on every word.
L58Dean Pelton
I’m going to assume that’s sarcasm.
L60Dean Pelton
So, you didn’t hear my announcement?
L61Jeff
I’m barely listening now.
L62Whitman
Now that the bed has been properly soiled let me step in. Jeffrey, as debate coach, I’m offering you an opportunity to spend a night drinking from the cup of life, rather than romancing your nether regions in front of the E! Channel.
Brandonpartly confirmed: arc confirmed, puppet line unfindable
huge underdetected later in a few places including puppet episode confession he's so narcissitic he is more into lusting for himself than the women he sleeps with.
Checked against the scripts. The narcissism arc is confirmed, and its strongest instance is S03E12, Contemporary Impressionists: L30 "You are a textbook narcissist", L31 "I'm an exceptional narcissist, Britta", L71 "you are vulnerable to a syndrome called hyper-narcissosis." It is seeded before this episode too, S01E02 L88, "narcissistic to the point of near-delusion." The puppet episode is S04E09 and it is built entirely on confessing terrible secrets (L218, L236, L255, L265), so your framing fits it. Three passes over S04E09 (myself, narciss, vain, women, slept with, more into, than the women) did not surface a self-lust confession. That is the limit of those queries. Tell me the episode and I will cite it.
L63Annie
My debate partner dropped out. And we want you to fill in for him at the championship tomorrow night.
L64Dean Pelton
Come on, Jeff. Who better than a former lawyer to really stick it to those City College snobs and their orator Simmons.
L65Whitman
Simmons. He’s a cerebral sequoia. If I were twenty years younger and not allergic to polyester, I’d don the Greendale debate togs and give him such a verbal beating his kids would be born dizzy. How ‘bout it, Jeffrey? It’s like I say in class, “carpe diem.”
L67Dean Pelton
Listen jerk-wad, Greendale needs a win. Since I’ve been here, the best compliment I’ve heard about our sports program is that our basketball team is really gay. So what’s it going to take to get you on board? A plum parking spot? Free meals? [suggestive] A night of companionship if you know what I mean?
L68Jeff
I’ll do it for the parking spot. And if you promise not to tell me what you mean.
INT. MUSIC ROOM - A LITTLE LATER
L69Pierce
...And when you feel the desire to light a cigarette, you will associate these urges with things in your life that disgust you: bad tasting food, sex with men, wearing attractive clothes...
L70Pierce
Oh God, I think I’m really hurt. Somebody help me! Why did I put you under so well? Damn my talent!
L71Pierce
Primate. Ape. Chimpanzee. Robin Williams. Good Lord this hurts.
INT. STUDY ROOM - LATER
L73Annie
The topic for the debate is, “Are people inherently good or evil?” So when are we getting together to strategize?
L74Jeff
Annie, I was a lawyer. I was a debater for money. I’ve gone pro. I think I can handle it.
L75Jeff
How’d hypnosis go?
L76Britta
You will not be surprised to hear it was weird -- but it’s over, he feels good. I’m awesome. The end.
L77Troy
Where’s Abed? I need to talk to him about his films.
L78Shirley
The boy is flat out prescient. He can read our minds.
L79Abed
I know what you’re going to say. You saw my movies on the website.
L82Abed
I’m not a witch. I’m a student of character. I know you all so well I can predict how you’ll behave. Like, Shirley, I know you’re a sweet, Christian, generous person.
L83Shirley & Abed
Oh, that’s nice.
L84Abed
I also know you have thinly veiled rage issues.
L85Shirley & Abed
Careful, boy.
L86Abed
See, that’s your character. Check this out...
L87Abed
Jeff’s character acts like nothing around here affects him, but things bother him more than he lets on. He’s also very vain.
L89Troy(re: film)
Why am I crying? Will I accidentally listen to “Come Sail Away” by Styx again? Stupid Styx. Making me feel things.
L90Abed
You don’t have to worry, Troy. It’s just a movie. I can’t predict the future.
L91Pierce
What up, happy people?
L92Shirley
You tell me my future right now you evil wizard!
L93Pierce
Get him! [then to jeff] Why are we getting him?
INT. BASKETBALL GYM - NIGHT
L94Annie
...As Golding’s Lord of the Flies demonstrated, man... [studied hand gesture] left to his own devices... [eye contact with all] three judges) will descend into chaos and evil.
L95Dean Pelton
And now, for City College, Jeremy Simmons.
L96Annie(blushes, flustered)
He thinks he’s so hot.
L97Pierce
That is one sexually charged cripple.
L98Simmons
There were 23,000 kidney donations in America last year. Man is good. The average life expectancy of a man in a community is 23 years longer than a man living alone. Man is good.
L99Simmons
Just ten minutes ago a bald, bespectacled man, held the door for a man in a wheelchair. [points at dean pelton] Man is good.
L100Dean Pelton(sotto)
I hate that guy.
INT. BASKETBALL GYM - LATER
L101Simmons
...By the end of this debate I will prove with facts and data and a touch of inspiration, that man, is inherently good.
L102Simmons(to annie)
Hey, beautiful. I see you’ve got a new partner? [to jeff] Suck on my tail pipe, Yao Ming.
L103Annie
You’ve got to take him down Jeff.
L104Whitman
Little trick for achieving the proper competitive mind set. I always envision my opponent having aggressive sex with my mother.
L105Jeff
This feels so formal. Let’s just talk.
L106Jeff
People are evil. They can’t help it. [to female judge] I didn’t catch your name.
L108Jeff
Take Jean here, she spent a lot of time this morning to make herself look so lovely.
L109Jeff
Tell me, Jean. How many people bothered to tell you how great you look today?
L112Jean
But you just said I looked great.
L113Jeff
For my own selfish purposes. The fact is, as hot as you look, and it’s quite hot, I wouldn’t have said anything.
L114Jeff
When I talk about people being evil I could cite quotes, or dig up statistics, but those are just words and numbers. I’d like to think we could have a little more fun...
INT. BASKETBALL GYM - MINUTES LATER
L115Jeff
Ee-eevil Woman. Ba na-na-na-na-na- na.
L116Everyone
Ee-eevil Woman.
L117Everyone
Ba na-na-na-na-na-na.
L118Jeff(bringing it home)
Ee-eevil Woman. [smiles at judges] You’ve been great. That’s my time.
L119Jean
At the end of round one. City College fifty, Greendale... eight.
L120Jeff
I only got eight?
L121Jean(re: annie)
She got eight. You got zero.
L122Jeff(perplexed)
You heard me say you were hot, right?
L123Simmons
Nice work, L.A. Law. All sizzle and no steak.
L124Jeff
Dude, I don’t care. I’m doing this for a parking space.
L125Richard(in mesh half-shirt)
We reserved the gym for practice.
L126Whitman
This it outrageous. We’re in the middle of a championship debate. Tell them, Dean.
L127Dean Pelton(re: pda)
Yup, they reserved it. They got us by the short ones. All right, debate suspended ‘til tomorrow! [pointed to jeff] Hopefully by then, we can get our act together.
L128Simmons
Why you walking away, Winger? Can’t take the shame.
L129Annie
Lay off him, Simmons. Jeff didn’t understand the rules.
L130Simmons
You like to sing, Winger? I like to sing too. [to evil woman] Zero for Winger. Ba na-na-na-na...
L131Simmons
Was a big shot lawyer. Ba na-na-na- na-na-na. Now he’s a loser. Ba na- na-na-na-na-na.
L133Shirley(as if seeing a ghost)
Oh my god, it’s all coming true.
L134Richard
Sweet dunk, Bruce!
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
INT. HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER (NIGHT 1)
L135Annie
Jeff, wait. When are we getting together to prepare for tomorrow?
L136Jeff
Never. Because, it’s stupid and I don’t care.
L137Annie
There’s a knocked over trash can back there that says otherwise. Maybe Simmons is right. You really are all sizzle and no steak. You probably couldn’t beat him if you tried.
L138Jeff(overly dramatic)
What do you mean, I can’t beat him? You and me are going to study harder than we’ve ever studied before, and we’re going to beat City College tomorrow!
L140Jeff
No! Who am I, “i-Carly??”
L141Annie
Abed was right, you act like things don’t bother you, but they do.
L142Jeff
Six months ago I was a lawyer, I wore suits. Someone came to my office and watered my plant. Now I’m losing a community college debate to Jeremy Simmons. [realizing] Oh my god, I’m part of his legend.
L143Simmons(singing evil woman)
Stu-u-pid Winger. Can’t satisfy a lay-day. [singing, re: annie] She’s a big time lo-ser. Probably never have a baby.
L144Jeff
That’s it. We’re gonna take you down you pony-tailed bastard! [to annie] Come on. We’ve got a debate to prepare for.
L145Richard
Great practice, boys. Who’s showering? [then] Nice ass.
L147Richard
I was talking to her.
L148Jeff
I don’t know what the hell’s going on any more.
EXT. CAMPUS - MORNING (DAY 2)
L149Campus cop(lascivious)
Yeah, I like that.
L150Britta
Feeling pretty cool in your little bumper car! I’m so hot and bothered! Please come back so we can do it you mall cop wannabe!
L151Pierce(cool despite the pain)
Ow. Guess our session didn’t take. I’m surprised. [suspicious] You were under, right?
L152Britta
Yes. You are a gifted man. Thank you for affecting my life in a positive way.
L153Pierce
Sometimes with the feebler brains it doesn’t take. Let’s set up another session.
INT. STUDENT LOUNGE - DAY
L154Troy(through tears)
I liked you better when you were smoking.
L155Britta
Troy, I’m sorry.
L156Troy
No. You’re right, my feet are long and stupid. You can’t unring that bell. [off crowd looks] What are you looking at?! She maced me cause I was doing something strong!
L157Abed
Hey. That’s my newspaper.
L158Shirley
What do you need a paper for? You knew what was going to happen yesterday you Middle Eastern Magic Eight Ball! [grabbing his lapels] Pierce hurt his leg. Britta made Troy cry. What’s my destiny? Do I die in a car?! Does it happen soon?! I have tickets for a cruise next summer!
L159Abed
Shirley, I’m just an entertainer with no psychic abilities. Like Vince Vaughn. But if it’ll make you feel better, here’s what I’m working on.
L160Shirley(you’re an idiot)
I’m sorry, am I being chased down by a werewolf?
L161Abed
Yes. But this is how you would behave in that situation. No?
L162Shirley
The situation being-- me being chased by a werewolf.
L163Shirley
And there’s Jeff and Annie locking lips? You’re a fool.
INT. STUDY ROOM - DAY
L164Annie
So in the experiment, Stanford students were divided into prisoners and guards. The guards immediately started to abuse--
L165Jeff(gutteral pained moan)
Uhhhhhhh.
L167Jeff
I’ve got this weird pressure point right above my eyebrow.
L168Annie(annoyed)
It’s called a stress headache.
L169Annie
They happen to people who actually make an effort in life. Not tall, popular people who never had to work for anything.
L170Jeff
Hey! I’ve worked hard my whole life to not have to work at things.
L171Annie
Well you’re knee deep in it now, brother, this is debate. You want to win you need to prepare.
L172Jeff
Well if you want to win you need to... [mimics her stiff hand] gesture from debate) Loosen up. Go off book.
L173Annie
You’re right. Look at me. My hair is pulled back like a spinster librarian, I dress like a housewife.
L174Annie
That feels better. I’m so tense.
L175Shirley
Be careful. Abed thinks you two are going to kiss. Ridiculous.
L176Jeff
Us kissing. That is ridiculous.
L177Annie
Totally. Let’s get back to work.
L178Jeff
Okay. People are inherently evil.
L179Annie
Ooh, we can use this Hobbes quote.
L180Annie(reading)
“Man is a collection of base, animal urges. To act on them and experience sinful pleasures would be morally no different than taking a breath.” That’s poignant right?
L181Jeff(voice cracking)
Yes. [then] You know, I’m starting to feel tense.
L182Jeff
Maybe it’d be better if we prepared on our own.
L183Annie
Yes. That way we can be more reproductive... productive.
INT. MUSIC ROOM - LATER
L186Pierce
...The next time you see a cigarette you will think of things that disgust you. If you’ve heard me and you’re truly ready to quit, I want you to say... mmm.
L188Pierce
I want you to say... ahhhh.
L190Pierce(enjoying his power)
All the ladies in the house say, “Oh yeah!”
L192Pierce
While you’re under so deep, you’ll also find yourself attracted to slightly older men? Perhaps a barrel chested stud with just enough tummy to love. You’ll want to buy him dinner. Then go back to his hot tub. Maybe you’ll have some sort of fixation with massaging his buns.
L193Pierce
After three weeks of old school passion, you’ll sense his boredom and invite one of your friends to join us for a three way.
L194Pierce
Perhaps someone with low self esteem and slightly larger breasts. [then] Aaaaannnd Gorilla.
L195Britta(opening eyes)
Go to hell, you disgusting pig.
L197Britta
Pierce, I’ve been awake the whole time. I was faking it.
L198Pierce
I know. I saw you. What am I, some kind of joke to you?
L199Britta
No. I was trying to make you feel better about yourself.
L201Britta(caught)
You know, because people don’t always take you as seriously as--
L202Pierce
How dare you pity me. You know, I may be a little older, some of my ideas may seem weird, my fashion sense may cause envy... But I have a lot to offer and I am not to be pitied.
L203Pierce(pointed)
Do not help me up.
INT. BASKETBALL GYM - NIGHT
L204Simmons
...As German poet Franz Wickmeyer wrote, “Snow falls from the heavens pure. We can not blame the snow for being soiled by the Earth.” Ergo, the world may be bad, but man, is inherently good.
L205Whitman
Now Jeff Winger will offer a two minute rebuttal.
L206Dean Pelton(sotto)
It’s all on the line, Winger. [re: sweatshirt, sincere] Thanks for suiting up.
L207Simmons
Who’s the “fifth Beach Boy” gonna hit on now? What a joker.
L208Jeff
In the Stanford Prison Experiment twenty-one out of twenty-one students, when given absolute power, abused and tortured their fellow students...
L209Annie
Jeff prepared. Grab an umbrella. It’s gonna rain City College blood.
L210Jeff
...Genocide has taken place in every century throughout recorded history. My competitor likened people to pure falling snow. I would respond, “It is written, there is none righteous, no, not one.” Now, I realize Mister Simmon’s quote was from the great Franz Wickmeyer.
L211Jeff
Mine was just from a simple desert handyman. Named Jesus.
L212Annie
...survival of the fittest wires an impulse to eliminate people into our hearts.
L213Whitman
Counter point!
L214Simmons
Mother Theresa, Joan of Arc...
L216Jeff
Not ninety-percent. One-hundred percent.
L218Whitman
Final arguments! This round will determine the winner.
L219Pierce
This is a real barn-burner. [notices shirley] Oh God, did I just say cross- burner?
L220Shirley
No you did not.
L221Pierce
Oh good. [to debate team] Let’s go Klan! [corrects on a dime] Team!
L222Simmons
Webster’s Dictionary defines inherent as “existing in someone or something as a permanent and inseparable quality.” Permanent.
L223Simmons
So for one to be “inherently evil” one would need to be born that way. Ladies and gentlemen, I ask you this...
L224Simmons(re: baby)
Is he evil?
L225Troy(off looks)
I’m sorry, that dude’s awesome.
L226Britta
Those guys are screwed.
L228Jeff
Actions speak louder than words.
L229Annie
That was brilliant. How did you know it would do that?
L230Jeff
Babies hate me. They can sense I don’t care.
L231Dean Pelton
Winger, you did it! There’s no way he can win in rebuttal.
L232Whitman
Simmons is finished.
L233Annie / Crowd / Judges
He’s abandoning his notes. / He’s going rogue. / It’s a gambit.
L234Simmons(from jeff’s arms)
People are inherently good.
L235Annie
People are inherently evil!
L238Annie(to jeff)
That “off book” enough for you?
L239Jeff
Eat that Simmons!
L240Shirley
They kissed. You do have powers. I’m going to die by werewolf!
L241Abed
Shirley, I don’t have powers. Trust me. In my next film we discover Pierce is an actual genius.
L242Shirley
That’s not happening.
L243Abed
No it’s not. And neither is the werewolf.
L244Britta
Pierce, I can’t smoke a cigarette anymore without thinking of a three way in your hot tub! You did it!
L245Pierce(beat, then bravado)
Yeah, I did.
L246Britta
You are a genius.
L247Whitman
Let’s celebrate outside. Looks like a full moon tonight.
L248Abed(running out)
Shirley!
END OF ACT THREE